February 14, 2004

Future Roundup 02/14/04

Here's all the In the Future... predictions for about the past month or so. Many thanks to futurist Robert Hinkley for helping us to look ahead.

In the Future...

...tax men will be even more keen-eyed and vigilant.

...the arms race will quickly escalate to the next step: the pop-up blocker blocker blocker.

...pop-up, pop-under and interstitial web ads will get even more annoying and eat more of your bandwidth.

...we'll be okay with the fact that search engines are better at enforcing justice than they are at nurturing romance.

...all public lavatories will be certified 100% explosion-proof.

...we'll have to revisit all those spells, charms, and folk remedies involving bat wings (and other parts) to see if there's anything to them.

...performers in pay-per-view reality webcasts will be appropriately credited and compensated for their work.


Well, that does it for now. If you have a prediction you'd like to share, send it to speculis-at-speculist-dot-com. (Be sure to include the URL of a news story that corroborates your prognostication.)

And until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 10:33 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 18, 2004

Future Roundup 01/18/04

Here's all the In the Future... predictions for about the past month. It's nice getting caught up. Many thanks to futurists Chris Hall, Robert Hinkley, and Joanie ( ¿Donde esta el Jefe?) for helping us to look ahead.

In the Future...

...Boy Scouts will be required to redo the Orienteering Merit Badge.

...personal trainers will also take robots through rigorous pilates routines and show them how to avoid injury on the bench press.

...we'll also be able to get Meditation Of The Day direct from the lord Buddha.

...in the celestial barbershop quartet, white dwarves, quasars, and pulsars will sing the other three parts.

...canny Brazilians will turn the tables on the dam piranhas and start farming them for the novelty food market.

...Robot John Carter will assist NASA in their exploration of the red planet.

...P300 enhancers will keep the coffee out of the cornflakes and the cat out of the washing machine.

...we will be *delighted* if a burglar poos in the wardrobe.

...soldiers will be able to download custom ringtones for their chinstraps and helmets as well as being able to set them on vibrate.

...more insightful research will reveal that getting up on Monday morning is widely perceived as a pain in the neck.

...we'll find a zombie in love to be more remarkable than the politics of the object of said zombie's affections.

... the boxes will be smarter than the boxcutters.

...a cheese-slicing laser will be an essential accessory for every dinner party host.

...the myriad health benefits of women and song will be available in convenient pill format.


Well, that does it for now. If you have a prediction you'd like to share, send it to speculis-at-speculist-dot-com. (Be sure to include the URL of a news story that corroborates your prognostication.)

And until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 06:34 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 13, 2003

Future Roundup 12/13/03

Here's all the In the Future... predictions for the past two weeks, including #99 by Mike Sargent and #100, which I contributed. Since we passed the century Mark, it's been all Robert Hinkley. I have this feeling that in the future, we might be changing the name of this feature to Rob Hinkley's Semi-Skimmed Predictions.

Or something like that.

In the Future...

...the Easy-Bake Home Cloning Kit will outsell this item.

100! 100! 100! 100!100! 100!
...we'll wonder why a group who was so prepared seemed to have so much trouble getting things done.
100! 100! 100! 100!100! 100!

...programmers will be accused of loitering with intent, littering the public highway and armed robbery.

...everyone will have at least one hidden wireless hatcam.

... the inevitable searchable archive of hatcam footage will allow us to check whether what we remember happening really happened at all.

...further astonishing research will suggest that when men drink beer their judgement becomes impaired and they engage in riskier behavior.


That does it for now. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 08:38 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 29, 2003

Future Roundup 11/29/03

The holiday slowed us a bit on our journey to the 100th ITF. But I think we'll get there early next week. Hat tips to FastForward Posse members Robert Hinkley and Andrew Salamon for helping us to look ahead.

In the Future...

...with any luck, some who suffer will never benefit from life extension technology.

...we'll be able to order our fish to match the wine.

...space tourists plagued by facehuggers (and worse) will look back with scorn on those whose worst nightmare was to play host to the occasional 10-inch, beady-eyed nose leech.


That does it for this week. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 08:27 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 22, 2003

Future Roundup 11/22/03

This was a slow week for In the Future... Only three predictions. With the Thanksgiving holiday coming up, we might not see ITF #100 until week after next.

In the Future...

...the cadets in Colorado Springs will sing "Up we go, into the wild black yonder."

...unmanned missions will be listed on e-bay; manned missions and entire space programs will be handled by Sotheby's.

...they might do something like this with Reuben and Ksenia. Right before I kill myself.

 


That does it forthis week. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 07:24 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 15, 2003

Future Round-Up 11/15/03

This week's In The Future entries have had a decidedly farm and field feel. Many thanks to FastForward Posse member (and head wrangler) Robert Hinkley for alerting us to the hazards faced by stock, game, and agriculturalists and those of us that live with them.

In the Future...

...low-flying moose will be able to land safely.

...computer-created excuses will be more...creative.

...ol' Bessie will bear a striking similarity to Mae West.

...moose will have to wait the traditional "eight hours from bottle to throttle".

..." mild alternate-culture heat-treated fermented milk" will outsell regulation yogurt two to one.

 


Thanks for reading and, as Phil says. "We'll see you in the future."

Posted by Michael S. Sargent at 11:55 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 08, 2003

Future Roundup 11/07/03

Here's the full collection of this week's In the Future... predictions. This week we feasted on wolf leftovers and drank life-extending tea, while pondering the blindingly obvious and the eye-openingly counterintuitive. Hat tips to FastForward Posse members Robert Hinkley and Mike Sargent for helping us to look ahead.

In the Future...

...robot drivers will only have to get liability insurance; collision won't be an issue.

...the therapeutic benefit of cinnamon crumpets will also be recognized.

...advances in vacuum storage technologies will extend the benefit.

...businesses will thrive selling snow to the Inuit and sand to the Saudis.

...additional startling research will confirm that men enjoy sports and don't like asking for directions.

...wine conniseurs will insist that global carbon emissions not be allowed to fall below a certain level.

 


That does it for last week. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 06:38 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

November 01, 2003

Future Roundup 11/01/03

Here's the full collection of last week's In the Future... predictions. This will be remembered as the week in which the nanohamster was first seriously contemplated. Hat tips to FastForward Posse members Robert Hinkley and Chris Hall for helping us to look ahead.

In the Future...

... we'll drive down to the river for a recharge.

... having secured the rights of its own kind, a mechanical pundit will head up RETH (Robots for the Ethical Treatment of Humans).

...minihamsters will give way to microhamsters and, inevitably, nanohamsters.

...we won't have to settle for anything less than an ultra-super-hyper-mega scramjet


That does it for last week. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 07:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 25, 2003

Future Roundup 10/25/03

Here's the full collection of last week's In the Future... predictions. A couple of them related to robots, otherwise there was no real theme to speak of. Hat tip to FastForward Posse member Robert Hinkley for helping us to look ahead.

In the Future...

...we'll also be saying goodbye to our snowshovels and leafblowers.

...astronomers will continue to defy any notion of celestial privacy.

...convicts will be the primary innovators in the field of robot pets.

...we'll be even more fascinated by the blindingly obvious than we currently are.

...strong law enforcement will finally eradicate the menace of non-standard marmalade.

 


That does it for last week. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 05:53 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

October 20, 2003

Future Roundup 10/19/03

I took the weekend off, making the drive from humdrum Denver through depressing Leadville to glorious Aspen, via the spectacular Independence Pass. I highly recommend Aspen in the off-season, when it's only outrageously (as opposed to inconceivably) expensive. Anyway, my little weekend junket is the reason, for the first time in Speculist history, we're doing a Future Round-up on Monday rather than the preceding Saturday.

Here's the full collection of last week's In the Future... predictions. Hat tips to FastForward Posse members Robert Hinkley and Chris Hall for helping us to look ahead.

In the Future...

...we'll have microwave-friendly tanks and dishwasher-safe aricraft carriers.

...hired-gun Ninja robots will defend Asian Tech Fairs from similar attacks.

... astronomers will assist FBI agents with fingerprinting.

... we'll have a clearer idea of what impact, if any, doughnuts have on them.

......scientists will be delighted by pink lizards, stripy newts and tartan toads.

...parents may have to come to terms with the related benefits of body piercing, spandex, tattoos, and big hair.

...we'll give our toys better toys to play with.


That does it for last week. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.


UPDATE: While it looks like Dave Cullen's weekend was distinctly different from mine, we're both basking in a post-Aspen glow.

Posted by Phil at 05:58 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

October 11, 2003

Future Roundup 10/11/03

Here's the full list of this week's predictions for the future. Hat tips to FastForward Posse members Robert Hinkley and Chris Hall for helping us to look ahead.

In the Future...

...we'll find a means to change sports fans back to their original form.

...your underwear will routinely talk to your doctor.

...regulations will prohibit the launch of satellites with stupid or excessively long names.

...soldiers may have to reboot the dogs of war.

...guidebooks will have to expand their categories beyond hotels, restaurants, and tourist attractions.

 


That does it for this week. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 09:48 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 27, 2003

Future Roundup 09/27/03

Here's the full list of this week's predictions for the future. We published our 50th prediction this week. Hat tips to FastForward Posse members Mike Sargent and Robert Hinkley for helping us to look ahead.

In the Future...

...space travelers will be warned to avoid the local food.

...a launch futures market will evolve to underwrite investment and insurance costs.

... self-assembly railgun kits will be on sale at every Ikea.

...starships will be required to have adequate mufflers.

...every posse will feel loved, appreciated, needed.


That does it for this week. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 06:25 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 21, 2003

Future Roundup 09/20/03

Here's the full list of this week's predictions for the future. Hat tip to FastForward Posse member Robert Hinkley for helping us to look ahead.

In the Future...

...through a simple and logical extension of a currently proposed law, our remote descendants will have access not only to archived web sites, but to ads for Viagra substitutes and home refinancing, as well as the unabridged collection of Nigerian banking-scam messages, via the British Library.

...nanobots will allow for uniform and stable reheating, preventing this and other breakfast catastrophes.

...PDA's may replace garlic as a vampire repellent.

...airlines will buy information from defense contractors on conditions in the armed services, and will as a result make tremendous advances in passenger comfort and the quality of food.

...fuel trees will be grown in an enormous outdoor greenhouse under a kilometer-high power-generating tower which will further reduce our dependency on the virus-powered grid.


That does it for this week. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 07:12 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 13, 2003

Future Roundup 09/13/03

This week we had viruses running the national power grid, people fueling their vehicles from trees in their backyards, and our third strange creature in a row. In the past three weeks, we've seen a giant beaver, an anti-nuke rabbit, and now a little kanagroo with a big attitude.

Hat tips to FastForward Posse members Mike Sargent and Robert Hinkley for helping us to keep looking ahead.

In the Future...

...bacteria will continue to be used for small jobs, while powerful viruses such as influenza will be used to power the nationwide grid.

...technological advances will give us as much as twenty seconds to pick up that cupcake.

...we'll have a holiday commemorating the gutsy industry group that defended millionaires by striking out at scheming single moms, grandparents, and schoolgirls.

...every home will have a back-up generator and fuel tree in case the virus-powered national grid goes down.

...police officers will be better trained to deal both with unusually small (as well as unusually large) animals.


That does it for this week. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 06:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 06, 2003

Future Roundup 09/06/03

Here's the complete list of this week's predictions for the future. This week was the unofficial Nature Strikes Back edition of ITF: we had lucky mice who can eat all they want and never gain an ounce, anarchist bunnies making major trouble at nuclear power facilites, and millions of creatures at the end of the Permian Age being wiped out by the ultimate S.B.D. Plus, robots getting the upper hand in space exploration!

Hat tips to FastForward Posse members Chris Hall, Mike Sargent, and Robert Hinkley for helping us to keep looking ahead.

In the Future...

...mass extinctions will be caused by something less embarrassing, such as nuclear war or asteroid collisions.

...they'll probably get all the good parking spots, too.

...genetically modified mice will be one of the key consumer demographics targetted by Dunkin' Donuts

...nuclear power will be rendered unfeasible due to exorbitant rabbit-proofing expenses.

...it will be safer to stay home than to go to war.

That does it for this week. Until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 05:39 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 30, 2003

Future Roundup 08/30/03

Here's the full list of this week's Mars-related predictions for the future. Hat tip to FastForward Posse members Mike Sargent and Robert Hinkley for helping us to keep looking ahead.

In the Future...

...people will be so smart that they will only need reassurance if an object passes within, say, 25 million miles.

...alterations will be included in the price of a suit. (See item dated August 22.)

...Martian colonists will sell Earth rocks on-line as a novelty gift item.

...every household will have its own Hubble.

...parts scavanged from vacuum cleaners and washing machines will also have a role to play in building Mars robots.

...Martian settlers will capture iceballs from the asteroids for their own use, while making a fortune selling bottles of Sparkling Olympus Mons back to Earth.


That does it for this week. I hope you all enjoyed Red Planet Madness as much as we did. And until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 12:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 23, 2003

Future Roundup 08/23/03

Here's the full list of this week's predictions for the future. Hat tip to FastForward Posse member Robert Hinkley for providing a couple of these.

In the Future...

...some of us will be cool again.

...parents will be fully qualified to assess whether their children are overweight.

...few homes will be without a potted Prozac or Viagra plant.

...genetic technologies will familiarize the public with giant forest animals, letting us know that we need not fear them.

...they'll make their own monthly payments, too.


That does it for this week. Thanks for dropping by. And until next time, we'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 10:33 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 16, 2003

Future Roundup 08/16/03

Here's the full list of this week's predictions for the future. What with the worm and the blackout and all, there was only time for four of them, which is too small a number for there to have been much of a theme or common thread. Two of them did involve kids at play, though. (Sort of.)

In the Future...

...online versions of Hula Hoops, Footsies, and Whacky Clackers will also be available.

...kids will trade 5-carat gem-quality diamonds colored or shaped to match characters on a TV show.

...we'll have smaller lasers for household cleanup jobs, especially bathrooms.

...a second opinion will be only a remote-click away.


That does it for this week. Thanks for dropping by. And until next time, I'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 11:51 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 09, 2003

Future Roundup 08/09/03

Here's the full list of this week's predictions for the future. Our first official week of operation was a real mixed bag. Time travelers, walk-through advertising, dolphins with cell phones, cheapskate banks ripping people off...actually, I'm not sure why I considered that last one a prediction.

In the Future...

...we'll walk and drive through advertising without giving it a moment's thought..

...we'll have a reliable means of telling whether a self-proclaimed time traveler is legitimate or some kind of nut.

...dolphins will have the option of calling us back if they're busy doing something else when we call.

...banks will charge you for saving money in your mattress or for burying it in jars in your back yard.

...the computer itself will be considered your roommate.


That does it for this week. Thanks for dropping by. And until next time, I'll see you in the future.

 

Posted by Phil at 07:07 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

August 02, 2003

Future Roundup 08/02/03

Here's the full list of this week's predictions for the future. Two of the five had to do with parenting, both of which were pretty cynical. Actually, the baby-brain-monitor thing is a practical idea — an enhanced version of the walkie-talkie monitors we have now — but the electronics will have to be improved. I don't think we can wire babies up like the one shown in the picture (follow the link.)

In the Future...

...there will be options for parents with fat or ugly kids.

...science and technology will give us back all the monsters they have taken from us.

...potty-training accidents will be greatly reduced via hardwired interfaces to babies' brains.

...elections will be merged with futures markets , greatly increasing voter turnout as players vie for the big November payoff.

...you'll be able to eat unlimited french fries and cupcakes and never gain an ounce.


That does it for this week. Thanks for dropping by. And until next time, I'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 08:51 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 26, 2003

Future Roundup 07/26/03

Here's the full list of this week's predictions for the future. Three of the five seem to touch on personal freedoms — actually, four out of five if you count the freedom of children to play with robots. And come to think of it, that definitely counts. It will be interesting to see whether this trend persists in coming weeks, or whether other vital trends (such as neon-toned zoo animals) take a dominant role.

In the Future...

...it will be illegal for British teenagers make out.

...you will need to show a photo ID in order to buy batteries or a quart of milk.

...the barriers will be lifted, and children and robots will be free to play together once again.

...polar bears will come in a wide variety of colors, not just the white and purple available today.

...free speech protection will be extended to include commentary on the President's knees.


That does it for this week. Thanks for dropping by. And until next time, I'll see you in the future.

Posted by Phil at 07:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack