August 04, 2004
In the Future -- Special Blogiversary* Edition
Let’s see . . .
Cake . . . Check!
Ice Cream . . . Check!
Balloons . . . Check!
Party Hats . . . Check!
Looks like we’re ready. “Happy Blogiversary !!”
ITF #146
In the Future . . .
. . . advances in Visual Interfaces + Audio, Haptic, Olfactory, and Gustatory Sensoria (VIA HOGS) will cause the diet products market to crash.
Back to the Top.
ITF #147
In the Future . . .
. . . liquid nitrogen will be recognized as an irreplaceable ingredient in all super-premium ice creams.
Back to the Top.
ITF #148
In the Future . . .
. . . Posse Blogiversary celebrations will be black-tie affairs held in the Forward Grand Ballroom of the Speculist flagship, the N.A. Semper Meliae (an Advanced Technologies Group SkyCat 1000 outfitted as a private luxury passenger airship).
Back to the Top.
*Blogiversary / Blogaversary, “Potayto” / “Potahto”. As of August 3, 2004 usage (as measured by Google hits) favors Blog-I-versary by a 7:1 margin.
July 31, 2004
ITF #145
In the Future...
......sheep will learn to make rudimentary tools, and then we're screwed.
Futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley.
July 27, 2004
ITF #144
In the Future...
...the market for almost-historical artifacts and souvenirs for tourists from alternate universes will be considerably larger.
(via InstaPundit)
July 08, 2004
July 02, 2004
ITF #142
In the Future...
...there will be robots custom-built to do exactly this sort of job.
Futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley.
June 25, 2004
ITF #141
In the Future...
...stores will carry prepackaged doses of minor colds and intestinal bugs, increasing in intensity for each age.
Futurist: M104 member Karl Gallagher who predicts that — in a brilliant stroke of marketing — the bugs will be sold bundled with tissues and OTC remedies.
June 21, 2004
ITF #140
In the Future...
...there will be loud public argument about the ethics of gentically modified racing cars.
Futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley.
June 11, 2004
ITF #139
In the Future...
...archaeologists will find proof that the Anglo-Saxons were small, green,
and trained in the Jedi arts.
Futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley, who comments as follows:
"Hmm! Vikings, invading they are!"
May 17, 2004
ITF #138
In the Future...
...at-home, do-it-yourself parallel universe detection tests will be as common as DIY pregnancy tests are today.
May 12, 2004
ITF #137
In the Future...
...you won't be able to identify your ethnicity without first considering the intellectual property issues.
Futurist: Mary (Definitely on the Outer Ring), who draws our attention to the URL and to the trademark symbol next to the sentence "I am Asian."
May 10, 2004
ITF #136
In the Future...
... the US Navy will be desegregated, allowing dolphins to rise through the ranks.
Futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley.
May 03, 2004
ITF #135
In the Future...
...robot traffic cones might get bored and cause mayhem by misdirecting traffic for a laugh.
Futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley, who is currently featuring cute baby-duck pictures on his site.
April 26, 2004
ITF #134
In the Future...
...mice will live forever.
Futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley.
UPDATE: Reason has more on Yoda's long-delayed and yet untimely passing over on Fight Aging.
April 20, 2004
ITF #133
In the Future...
...only those of us clever enough to be registered Independents will be able to elude the brain scans.
Futurist: M104 member and Speculist co-blogger Stephen Gordon, by way of InstaPundit.
April 19, 2004
ITF #132
In the Future...
...all of Philip K. Dick's short stories will come true.
Futurist: M104 member Chris Hall (our all-time favorite Rocket Scientist), who is back blogging up a storm. Pay him a visit!
ITF #131
In the Future...
...robots will be buried with full military honours.
Futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley.
April 07, 2004
ITF #131
In the Future...
...Final Fantasy XVII will be part of the curriculum at all the top medical schools.
via GeekPress
March 27, 2004
ITF #130
In the Future...
...it will be standard procedure to attach a label to all missiles saying "if found, please return to [owner's address]", thereby avoiding much embarassment.
Futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley.
March 26, 2004
ITF #129
In the Future...
...an explosion of cheap television bandwidth will allow a dedicated Penguin Channel to air penguin-cam footage to an eager public.
Futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley, who blames his recent hiatus on a possible disturbance in the space-time continuum. There's a lot of that going around, it seems.
March 04, 2004
ITF #128
In the Future...
...more research will be needed to settle the ages-old dispute of whether people feel upset by upsetting events, and concerned when their loved ones go to war.
Futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley
February 26, 2004
ITF #127
In the Future...
...you'll need to water your computer. .
Futurist: M104 member Karl Hallowell
February 19, 2004
ITF #126
In the Future...
...further impressive research will reveal that women quite like chocolate, flowers.
politically incorrect futurist: M104 member Robert Hinkley
February 13, 2004
ITF #125
In the Future...
...performers in pay-per-view reality webcasts will be appropriately credited and compensated for their work.
February 08, 2004
ITF #124
In the Future...
...we'll have to revisit all those spells, charms, and folk remedies involving bat wings (and other parts) to see if there's anything to them.
February 06, 2004
ITF #123
In the Future...
...all public lavatories will be certified 100% explosion-proof.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley, who has added the following motto to the title of his website:
"Delivering Farragos of Lazy-Minded Tripe: Whatever the Weather"
That's the spirit, Rob!
February 02, 2004
ITF #122
In the Future...
...we'll be okay with the fact that search engines are better at enforcing justice than they are at nurturing romance.
via GeekPress
January 23, 2004
ITF #121
In the Future...
...pop-up, pop-under and interstitial web ads will get even more annoying and eat more of your bandwidth.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley.
January 22, 2004
ITF #120
In the Future...
...the arms race will quickly escalate to the next step: the pop-up blocker blocker blocker.
via GeekPress
January 20, 2004
ITF #119
In the Future...
...tax men will be even more keen-eyed and vigilant.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley.
[ Or perhaps this development indicates that that particular species is evolving (devolving?) in the other direction. We can hope, can't we?
Also, since going on the record with my controversial notion that Death Sucks, I've had quite a few people write in to remind me that some personal circumstances are worse than death. I agree. I am surprised, however, to learn that some personal circumstances — e.g., working in the office mentioned in the linked article — are apparently indistinguishable from death. ]
January 16, 2004
ITF #118
In the Future...
...the myriad health benefits of women and song will be available in convenient pill format.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley.
January 14, 2004
ITF #117
In the Future...
...a cheese-slicing laser will be an essential accessory for every dinner party host.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley.
ITF #116
In the Future...
... the boxes will be smarter than the boxcutters.
Futurist: Posse member Chris Hall
January 12, 2004
ITF #115
In the Future...
...we'll find a zombie in love to be more remarkable than the politics of the object of said zombie's affections.
ITF #114
In the Future...
...more insightful research will reveal that getting up on Monday morning is widely perceived as a pain in the neck.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley.
Uh-oh. Here's another one I might have to explain. Unlike the US, where we all love our jobs and leap out of bed with unbounded enthusiasm each and every Monday morning, apparently some folks in the UK feel differently.
How peculiar.
ITF #113
In the Future...
...soldiers will be able to download custom ringtones for their chinstraps and helmets as well as being able to set them on vibrate.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley.
January 08, 2004
ITF #112
In the Future...
...we will be *delighted* if a burglar poos in the wardrobe.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley, who comments as follows on his use of quaint British vernacular:
Erm, that's "takes a dump in the closet" in American. Maybe it's just a uniquely British thing to be convinced that pooing in the wardrobe is standard operational procedure for burglars. Fertile ground, no doubt, for PhD study: "A cross-cultural analysis of burglar defecation behaviour and its perception".
Friend of mine comments: "I'm trying not to think about this too much while I'm eating my lunch, but wouldn't the DNA be from the food he's eaten, rather than him? Are the police now looking for a criminal tomato?"
I think your friend may be on to something. And while I don't generally try to assess the accuracy of these predictions, I can state with confidence that I will never be delighted to have a burglar take a dump in my closet.
Luckily, my wife was educated in the UK and was thus able to decode your strange prediction for me even without reference to your explanatory note.
January 06, 2004
ITF #111
In the Future...
...P300 enhancers will keep the coffee out of the cornflakes and the cat out of the washing machine.
Futurist: Posse member Chris Hall
January 05, 2004
ITF #110
In the Future...
...Robot John Carter will assist NASA in their exploration of the red planet.
December 29, 2003
ITF #109
In the Future...
...canny Brazilians will turn the tables on the dam piranhas and start farming them for the novelty food market.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
December 28, 2003
ITF #108
In the Future...
...in the celestial barbershop quartet, white dwarves, quasars, and pulsars will sing the other three parts.
Futurist: Posse member Joanie
December 23, 2003
ITF #107
In the Future...
...we'll also be able to get Meditation Of The Day direct from the lord Buddha.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
December 19, 2003
ITF #106
In the Future...
...personal trainers will also take robots through rigorous pilates routines and show them how to avoid injury on the bench press.
via GeekPress
December 16, 2003
ITF #105
In the Future...
...Boy Scouts will be required to redo the Orienteering Merit Badge.
Futurist: Posse member Chris Hall
December 10, 2003
ITF #104
In the Future...
...further astonishing research will suggest that when men drink beer their judgement becomes impaired and they engage in riskier behavior.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
ITF #103
In the Future...
... the inevitable searchable archive of hatcam footage will allow us to check whether what we remember happening really happened at all.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
[ I can tell you right now, Rob: it didn't happen. Or if it did, perhaps the Mrs.and I will take a road trip to visit you next summer. ]
December 08, 2003
ITF #102
In the Future...
...everyone will have at least one hidden wireless hatcam.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
December 07, 2003
ITF #101
In the Future...
...programmers will be accused of loitering with intent, littering the public highway and armed robbery.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
December 03, 2003
ITF #100
In the Future...
...we'll wonder why a group who was so prepared seemed to have so much trouble getting things done.
December 02, 2003
ITF #99
In the Future...
...the Easy-Bake Home Cloning Kit will outsell this item.
Futurist: El Jefe Grande
November 26, 2003
ITF #98
In the Future...
...space tourists plagued by facehuggers (and worse) will look back with scorn on those whose worst nightmare was to play host to the occasional 10-inch, beady-eyed nose leech.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
November 25, 2003
ITF #97
In the Future...
...we'll be able to order our fish to match the wine.
Futurist: Posse member Andrew Salamon
November 24, 2003
ITF #96
In the Future...
...with any luck, some who suffer will never benefit from life extension technology.
November 20, 2003
ITF #95
In the Future...
...they might do something like this with Reuben and Ksenia. Right before I kill myself.
via GeekPress
ITF #94
In the Future...
...unmanned missions will be listed on e-bay; manned missions and entire space programs will be handled by Sotheby's.
November 18, 2003
ITF #93
In the Future...
...the cadets in Colorado Springs will sing "Up we go, into the wild black yonder."
November 13, 2003
ITF #92
In the Future...
...having eradicated non-standard marmalade the police will be able to direct their resources against non-standard yogurt.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
November 12, 2003
ITF #91
In the Future...
...the law will struggle with the problem of wild ruminants using their jetpacks while intoxicated .
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
ITF #90
In the Future...
...domesticated ruminants, jealous of their wild relatives' jet packs, will be fitted with bouyancy aids.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
ITF #89
In the Future...
...Computer generated excuses for diminsished free ice cream output will approach the quality and sincerity of hand - crafted examples.
P.S. I'm scribbling in the margins as fast as time (the IAM PRESENT - ly behind) will allow, but ... you see ... my crayon is a broken stub ... and ... and...
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
ITF #88
In the Future...
...Everyone will have personal jetpacks. Jetpacks will be so cheap that even wild ruminants will have them, thereby avoiding tragedy.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
November 07, 2003
ITF #87
In the Future...
...wine conniseurs will insist that global carbon emissions not be allowed to fall below a certain level.
via GeekPress
November 05, 2003
ITF #86
In the Future...
...additional startling research will confirm that men enjoy sports and don't like asking for directions.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
ITF #85
In the Future...
...businesses will thrive selling snow to the Inuit and sand to the Saudis.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
November 04, 2003
November 03, 2003
ITF #82
In the Future...
...robot drivers will only have to get liability insurance; collision won't be an issue.
October 31, 2003
ITF #81
In the Future...
...we won't have to settle for anything less than an ultra-super-hyper-mega scramjet
via Spacecraft
October 30, 2003
ITF #80
In the Future...
...minihamsters will give way to microhamsters and, inevitably, nanohamsters.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
October 29, 2003
ITF #79
In the Future...
... having secured the rights of its own kind, a mechanical pundit will head up RETH (Robots for the Ethical Treatment of Humans).
via InstaPundit (of course)
October 27, 2003
ITF #78
In the Future...
... we'll drive down to the river for a recharge.
via Posse member Chris Hall
October 24, 2003
ITF #77
In the Future...
...strong law enforcement will finally eradicate the menace of non-standard marmalade.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
October 23, 2003
ITF #76
In the Future...
...we'll be even more fascinated by the blindingly obvious than we currently are.
October 22, 2003
ITF #75
In the Future...
...convicts will be the primary innovators in the field of robot pets.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
October 21, 2003
October 17, 2003
ITF #72
In the Future...
...we'll give our toys better toys to play with.
via Posse member Chris Hall
ITF #71
In the Future...
...parents may have to come to terms with the related benefits of body piercing, spandex, tattoos, and big hair.
ITF #70
In the Future...
......scientists will be delighted by pink lizards, stripy newts and tartan toads.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
October 16, 2003
ITF #69
In the Future...
... we'll have a clearer idea of what impact, if any, doughnuts have on them.
via GeekPress
ITF #68
In the Future...
... astronomers will assist FBI agents with fingerprinting.
Futurist: Posse member Chris Hall
October 14, 2003
ITF #67
In the Future...
...hired-gun Ninja robots will defend Asian Tech Fairs from similar attacks.
via GeekPress
October 13, 2003
ITF #66
In the Future...
...we'll have microwave-friendly tanks and dishwasher-safe aricraft carriers.
via GeekPress
October 10, 2003
ITF #65
In the Future...
...guidebooks will have to expand their categories beyond hotels, restaurants, and tourist attractions.
via GeekPress
ITF #64
In the Future...
... soldiers may have to reboot the dogs of war.
Futurist: Posse member Chris Hall
October 09, 2003
ITF #63
In the Future...
...regulations will prohibit the launch of satellites with stupid or excessively long names.
ITF #62
In the Future...
...your underwear will routinely talk to your doctor.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
October 06, 2003
October 03, 2003
ITF #60
In the Future...
...bomb squads will employ a wide range of mammals alongside the traditional canine.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
October 02, 2003
ITF #58
In the Future...
...everyone's PC will have a part-time job.
Futurist: Posse member Chris Hall
ITF #57
In the Future...
...we'll get a message from beings in a parallel universe and it will be, like, really heavy.
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
October 01, 2003
ITF #56
In the Future...
...those suffering from computer viruses will be told to stay in bed.
Futurist: Posse member Chris Hall
ITF #55
In the Future...
...rocket parts will come from the JC Whitney catalog.
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
September 30, 2003
ITF #54
In the Future...
...spammers will highjack the shirt you're wearing to sell viagra and penis-enlargement treatments.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
ITF #52
In the Future...
...custom jobs, with plenty of chrome on the outside and shag carpet on the inside, will be favored over simple restorations.
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
September 29, 2003
ITF #51
In the Future...
...structural engineers will solve the Pigeon Dropping Problem.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
September 26, 2003
ITF #50
In the Future...
...every posse will feel loved, appreciated, needed.
Lord knows I've done my best with mine. I love you guys. You're special. You're the best.
September 25, 2003
ITF #49
In the Future...
...starships will be required to have adequate mufflers.
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
ITF #48
In the Future...
... self-assembly railgun kits will be on sale at every Ikea.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
September 22, 2003
ITF #47
In the Future...
...a launch futures market will evolve to underwrite investment and insurance costs.
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
ITF #46
In the Future...
...Space travelers will be warned to avoid the local food.
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
September 18, 2003
ITF #45
In the Future...
...nanobots will allow for uniform and stable reheating, preventing this and other breakfast catastrophes.
With a sympathetic nod to fellow hard-boiled egg enthusiast Matt Moore. Here's to happier, safer days to come, Matt.
You know, they can be pretty good cold if you mix them up with mayo rather than butter. I like to put some tomato in there, too. It's my version of Mrs. Loopner's delicious egg salad.
ITF #43
In the Future...
...airlines will buy information from defense contractors on conditions in the armed services, and will as a result make tremendous advances in passenger comfort and the quality of food.
ITF #42
In the Future...
...fuel trees will be grown in an enormous outdoor greenhouse under a kilometer-high power-generating tower which will further reduce our dependency on the virus-powered grid.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
September 15, 2003
ITF #41
In the Future...
...through a simple and logical extension of a currently proposed law, our remote descendants will have access not only to archived web sites, but to ads for Viagra substitutes and home refinancing, as well as the unabridged collection of Nigerian banking-scam messages, via the British Library.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley.
September 12, 2003
ITF #40
In the Future...
...police officers will be better trained to deal both with unusually small (as well as unusually large) animals.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley, who advises against calling one a "dwarf" kanagaroo to its face. You'll only make it mad.
September 10, 2003
ITF #39
In the Future...
...every home will have a back-up generator and fuel tree in case the virus-powered national grid goes down.
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
ITF #38
In the Future...
...we'll have a holiday commemorating the gutsy industry group that defended millionaires by striking out at scheming single moms, grandparents, and schoolgirls.
September 09, 2003
ITF #37
In the Future...
...technological advances will give us as much as twenty seconds to pick up that cupcake.
via GeekPress
September 08, 2003
ITF #36
In the Future...
...bacteria will continue to be used for small jobs, while powerful viruses such as influenza will be used to power the nationwide grid.
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
September 05, 2003
ITF #35
In the Future...
...it will be safer to stay home than to go to war.
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
September 04, 2003
ITF #34
In the Future...
...nuclear power will be rendered unfeasible due to exorbitant rabbit-proofing expenses.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley, who notes that while the bunny shown is cute, it's evident that he's up to something.
September 03, 2003
ITF #33
In the Future...
genetically modified mice will be one of the key consumer demographics targetted by Dunkin' Donuts
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
September 02, 2003
ITF #32
In the Future...
...they'll probably get all the good parking spots, too.
Futurist: Posse member Chris Hall
ITF #31
In the Future...
...mass extinctions will be caused by something less embarrassing, such as nuclear war or asteroid collisions.
via KurzweilAI.net
August 28, 2003
ITF #30
In the Future...
...Martian settlers will capture iceballs from the asteroids for their own use, while making a fortune selling bottles of Sparkling Olympus Mons back to Earth.
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
ITF #29
In the Future...
...parts scavanged from vacuum cleaners and washing machines will also have a role to play in building Mars robots.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
August 26, 2003
ITF #27
In the Future...
...Martian colonists will sell Earth rocks on-line as a novelty gift item.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
August 25, 2003
ITF #26
In the Future...
...alterations will be included in the price of a suit. (See item dated August 22.)
Futurist: Posse member Mike Sargent
ITF #25
In the Future...
...people will be so smart that they will only need reassurance if an object passes within, say, 25 million miles.
via MarsBlog
August 21, 2003
ITF #23
In the Future...
...genetic technologies will familiarize the public with giant forest animals, letting us know that we need not fear them.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
August 20, 2003
August 19, 2003
ITF #21
In the Future...
...parents will be fully qualified to assess whether their children are overweight.
Futurist: Posse member Robert Hinkley
August 18, 2003
August 15, 2003
August 14, 2003
ITF #18
In the Future...
...we'll have smaller lasers for household cleanup jobs, especially bathrooms.
via New Scientist
ITF #17
In the Future...
...kids will trade 5-carat gem-quality diamonds colored or shaped to match characters on a TV show.
via GeekPress
August 11, 2003
ITF #16
In the Future...
...online versions of Hula Hoops, Footsies, and Whacky Clackers will also be available.
via GeekPress
August 08, 2003
August 07, 2003
ITF #14
In the Future...
...banks will charge you for saving money in your mattress or for burying it in jars in your back yard.
via Duckboy
ITF #13
In the Future...
...dolphins will have the option of calling us back if they're busy doing something else when we call.
via GeekPress
August 06, 2003
ITF #12
In the Future...
...we'll have a reliable means of telling whether a self-proclaimed time traveler is legitimate or some kind of nut.
via GeekPress
August 04, 2003
ITF #11
In the Future...
...we'll walk and drive through advertising without giving it a moment's thought..
via GeekPress
August 02, 2003
ITF #10
In the Future...
...you'll be able to eat unlimited french fries and cupcakes and never gain an ounce.
via GeekPress
August 01, 2003
ITF #9
In the Future...
...elections will be merged with futures markets , greatly increasing voter turnout as players vie for the big November payoff.
via WiredNews
July 31, 2003
ITF #8
In the Future...
...potty-training accidents will be greatly reduced via hardwired interfaces to babies' brains.
via GeekPress
July 29, 2003
ITF #7
In the Future...
...science and technology will give us back all the monsters they have taken from us.
via GeekPress
July 28, 2003
July 26, 2003
ITF #5
In the Future...
...free speech protection will be extended to include commentary on the President's knees.
July 24, 2003
ITF #4
In the Future...
...polar bears will come in a wide variety of colors, not just the white and purple available today.
via GeekPress
July 23, 2003
ITF #3
In the Future...
...the barriers will be lifted, and children and robots will be free to play together once again.
via GeekPress
July 22, 2003
ITF #2
In the Future...
...you will need to show a photo ID in order to buy batteries or a quart of milk.
via White Rose
July 21, 2003
ITF #1
In the Future...
...it will be illegal for British teenagers to hold hands.
(via Gweilo Diaries, via Giles Ward)