The Speculist

The Very Real Pain of Rejection

Randall Parker has some provocative thoughts on the implications of research showing that rejection has an effect on the human system similar to that of physical pain.

There is another ramification to this report: humans are wired to not want to be rejected by other humans. As the authors state, this is probably a consequence of human evolution. Well, suppose it becomes possible for people to modify their minds to reduce their need for acceptance by others. This would have all sorts of consequences for behavior. A great many human activities are performed (for both good and ill) in order to win acceptance from others. What would be the net effect of a reduced desire to be accepted? My guess is that among many other effects it would tend to reduce altruistic behavior and would reduce the incentive to avoid doing things that are inconsiderate of others.

The ability to edit memories, change one's personality, change very basic desires, and to change what causes pain or pleasure could provide us with many benefits. But it could also create changes in human nature that undermine civilization. When it becomes possible to reduce one's feeling of empathy or to stop oneself from feeling guilty over acts committed against others some malevolent and foolish people will choose to do so. This could be done out of a motive to reduce suffering. Some who feel very rejected and in pain from rejection will decide to eliminate the pain response that occurs when one is rejected. Imagine the consequences if more people became indifferent to the approval of others.

As I wrote over in the comments section on FuturePundit, I wonder whether the moral sense that drives altruism and the fear of rejection might originate in different places. To me, there is a rational component to moral action. The Golden Rule is almost a mathematical proposition -- I expect kindness from others because I extend kindness towards them. I do fear the rejection of my family and friends if I commit some egregious crime, but that isn't the primary thing stopping me from doing it. I don't seek to commit such acts covertly, for example. Even if my hard-wired inclinations against doing such things were to evaporate, I think I would still reject them on rational grounds. (Of course, it's hard to be sure of that. A lot of what I think of as rational behavior might just be hard wiring.)

In my own case, the fear of rejection seems far more likely to inhibit productive rather than destructive behaviors. I think that shyness must be one of the most common defensive postures that people assume against the fear of rejection. Shyness prevents us from forming friendships or even having pleasant, normal social interactions with casual acquaintances. In the business world, it can make us ineffective at selling ourselves or our ideas and products.

If I could access a treatment that would shut off my fear of rejection and therefore cure my shyness, I would jump on it.